Solving the Problem of Assault within Families
Many of us have common values and goals. We wish to shrink the incidence of child abuse and neglect, not just in our own families, but throughout the world. Furthermore, we wish to create healthy relationships in family. Do you embrace these goals? Can you consider the value of working together to achieve these goals?
Before we can be effective in our actions, we must have a useful model in our heads. I propose a new model for the problem of child abuse and family violence. Let us try out the idea that these problems act like disease functions rather than crimes.
This identification allows a shift in approach to solving the problem. If child abuse is a contagious disease that is contracted in childhood and then finally blossoms in adulthood, we can eliminate blame and goals to apply punishment. We instead act to arrest the disease and heal the person within.
The whole presence of the disease shows as aggregate learned helplessness, generalized to many areas of life. The assault is the basic instrument of contagion. A first step in treating the disease for everyone is bringing down the incidence of assault.
For the purpose of defining treatment, we can name three general classes of assault patterns. The first is the Retreating Assault pattern. This assault pattern is a result of an inability to defend one's own privacy. The person has been rendered unable to set limits on what they give to another, and ultimately this results in a rage.
This assault pattern is installed in childhood when the child’s space is violated in any number of ways, including by enforcing automatic and unthinking obedience through fear. Unfortunately, many people think this is “good parenting.”
The child becomes deeply conditioned to be afraid to say no to a demand that is presented. This same weakness is present in the grown-up child as parent, who cannot negotiate with their child effectively and eventually blows up. The stored anger at the historical parent becomes vented on the child.
The second assault pattern is the Specific Malfunction. This comes about when an assault or series of assaults was experienced in conjunction with learning a basic routine. The assault may be fused into deep memory as an integral part of the routine. No matter how much will-power the person uses, the assault surfaces again and again during the routine.
The child then develops that Specific Malfunction too and begins to exhibit triggering cues during the routine to bring on the attack. It becomes a partnership problem, wherein both child and parent play keys roles in playing out the assault routine.
An important step in recovering from a Specific Malfunction is to let go of doing that chore. You wouldn’t walk on a broken ankle. Likewise, it doesn’t heal the person to force the use of damaged deep-memory circuitry.
Even if learning another method makes things go better for a while, under stress, the old method will show through. Turning a Specific Malfunction into a non-function is a step up from the abusive pattern, but the net result in an isolated nuclear family becomes evident as “neglect.”
In both the Retreating Assault and the Specific Malfunction patterns, persons can feel the assault sequence coming and can rationally anticipate it. There is an unpleasant build-up of stress. If given an out, people will back away from exhibiting these two assault patterns. The build-up is so unpleasant that people will voluntarily move away from the situation that provokes the lead-up to the assault.
If they cannot move out of the stressor situation, eventually it peaks in an “out of control” experience of assault. The actual assault occurrence is ultimately a stress reliever.
The third is the Pursuing Assault pattern. In this case, the conscious mind is aligned with the disease. The disease has effectively gone systemic. Coercive controllers fit into this category. The person can anticipate the assault, but it is not an unpleasant anticipation. Assaults are considered necessary and even virtuous. In the extreme, the assailant deliberately sets up for the assault to occur, such as in sexual assault, and for the assailant, it can be a profound stress reliever.
Persons in the third category will not voluntarily back away from an assault situation. We can guess that the operant stress triggers in this pattern are internal and constant - they “live” beyond the breaking point threshold. The person is storing a huge amount of internalized distress.
All three types of assault patterns show a repeating cycle. Breaking the cycle for the first two types involves offering ‘outs’ - physical options for privacy, physical options for release of unpleasant chores.
Breaking the cycle for the third pattern assailant also involves creating an out – for the person who is the target of the assault. Creating a place that the targeted person may escape into, that does not allow entry to the stalking person, is the out.
My deep-down hope is that it is also possible to make a new “out” available to the habitual assailant, and ideally it would be supporting a new stress-relieving option for the person, namely emotional discharge or catharsis. Yes, it could be possible, but if we put any stock into this hope it will likely mire us into wishful thinking. Those who work with coercive controlling offenders are well aware they rarely change.
Pursuing Assault patterns follow a classic addictive formula and breaking the addiction may require involuntary confinement. Creating a barrier between the assailant and the assailed can replace incarceration if necessary. In other words, creating a defendable space that the stalked person can place themselves into, voluntarily, is sometimes going to be an easier and more effective way to arrest the assaults than hoping to gain a conviction in any court of law. The criminal justice system does not show a track record that yields adequate protection for women and children.
Being able to objectively classify assault patterns, a community together can design a set of routines to treat and arrest the first two kinds of disease patterns, as well as eliminate neglect in a very short time.
This treatment plan is Applied Human Rights – the deliberate process of delivering the atmosphere to support functioning human rights for all members of the family and community. Along with the model of assault patterns as disease, we can embrace the model of an Immune System to support social wellness. This immune system is proactive human rights.
What are the basic human rights? Freedom from involuntary servitude, free speech and expression, rights to privacy and to free assembly; rights to connect with God in one’s own way are basic human rights.
With freedom from involuntary servitude, people with Specific Malfunctions can exclude themselves from chores in which they have suffered damage. With rights to privacy for the parent and the attractions of their peers for the child demanding the attention of the adult, the Retreating Assault pattern can be retired.
Free speech and expression bring the recovery process that is cathartic healing. With connection to God the process may be taken to completion, liberating the magical child within.
Once a human-rights community has achieved a high level of functioning, they can serve as an excellent foster situation for children of systemically affected parents who will not have chosen recovery because it interferes with their addictive pattern.
Refugees from systemically infected parents or spouses can be legally released from abusive homes by claiming Constitutional Rights. This can be done on a case-by-case basis challenging custody orders that violate basic human rights.
Human-rights communities receiving the children must be prepared to handle confrontation at the property line, including collaboration with local police to eject or prosecute trespassers. No crimes other than trespassing need be prosecuted, which frees everyone from the less-than helpful ordeal that family litigation can become.
What I am proposing in general is a sequence of events, a set of boundary-setting exercises, carried out by many communities, many assemblies, to heal their members and ultimately the general public of the diseases of learned helplessness, manifesting as family violence.
By Community I mean any extended family, group of people, or circle of friends who claim each other as members to be involved with and to pledge mutual support for basic human rights. It can be a church.
One place to start could be using Community buildings during the week that might otherwise sit empty, to create day and evening use areas for gatherings and get-togethers for peers.
Interest groups can be defined and equipped. To engage the boundary-setting practice, set up peer spaces for men, for women and children, boys and girls. Ways to start that involve whole families are outlined in Family Enhancement Goals and Objectives.
Another possibility is to set up a Mother’s Collective, especially useful for single mothers and stay-at-home moms. A high priority can be placed on providing space for moms and their children 0-3 years of age.
Before we can be effective in our actions, we must have a useful model in our heads. I propose a new model for the problem of child abuse and family violence. Let us try out the idea that these problems act like disease functions rather than crimes.
This identification allows a shift in approach to solving the problem. If child abuse is a contagious disease that is contracted in childhood and then finally blossoms in adulthood, we can eliminate blame and goals to apply punishment. We instead act to arrest the disease and heal the person within.
The whole presence of the disease shows as aggregate learned helplessness, generalized to many areas of life. The assault is the basic instrument of contagion. A first step in treating the disease for everyone is bringing down the incidence of assault.
For the purpose of defining treatment, we can name three general classes of assault patterns. The first is the Retreating Assault pattern. This assault pattern is a result of an inability to defend one's own privacy. The person has been rendered unable to set limits on what they give to another, and ultimately this results in a rage.
This assault pattern is installed in childhood when the child’s space is violated in any number of ways, including by enforcing automatic and unthinking obedience through fear. Unfortunately, many people think this is “good parenting.”
The child becomes deeply conditioned to be afraid to say no to a demand that is presented. This same weakness is present in the grown-up child as parent, who cannot negotiate with their child effectively and eventually blows up. The stored anger at the historical parent becomes vented on the child.
The second assault pattern is the Specific Malfunction. This comes about when an assault or series of assaults was experienced in conjunction with learning a basic routine. The assault may be fused into deep memory as an integral part of the routine. No matter how much will-power the person uses, the assault surfaces again and again during the routine.
The child then develops that Specific Malfunction too and begins to exhibit triggering cues during the routine to bring on the attack. It becomes a partnership problem, wherein both child and parent play keys roles in playing out the assault routine.
An important step in recovering from a Specific Malfunction is to let go of doing that chore. You wouldn’t walk on a broken ankle. Likewise, it doesn’t heal the person to force the use of damaged deep-memory circuitry.
Even if learning another method makes things go better for a while, under stress, the old method will show through. Turning a Specific Malfunction into a non-function is a step up from the abusive pattern, but the net result in an isolated nuclear family becomes evident as “neglect.”
In both the Retreating Assault and the Specific Malfunction patterns, persons can feel the assault sequence coming and can rationally anticipate it. There is an unpleasant build-up of stress. If given an out, people will back away from exhibiting these two assault patterns. The build-up is so unpleasant that people will voluntarily move away from the situation that provokes the lead-up to the assault.
If they cannot move out of the stressor situation, eventually it peaks in an “out of control” experience of assault. The actual assault occurrence is ultimately a stress reliever.
The third is the Pursuing Assault pattern. In this case, the conscious mind is aligned with the disease. The disease has effectively gone systemic. Coercive controllers fit into this category. The person can anticipate the assault, but it is not an unpleasant anticipation. Assaults are considered necessary and even virtuous. In the extreme, the assailant deliberately sets up for the assault to occur, such as in sexual assault, and for the assailant, it can be a profound stress reliever.
Persons in the third category will not voluntarily back away from an assault situation. We can guess that the operant stress triggers in this pattern are internal and constant - they “live” beyond the breaking point threshold. The person is storing a huge amount of internalized distress.
All three types of assault patterns show a repeating cycle. Breaking the cycle for the first two types involves offering ‘outs’ - physical options for privacy, physical options for release of unpleasant chores.
Breaking the cycle for the third pattern assailant also involves creating an out – for the person who is the target of the assault. Creating a place that the targeted person may escape into, that does not allow entry to the stalking person, is the out.
My deep-down hope is that it is also possible to make a new “out” available to the habitual assailant, and ideally it would be supporting a new stress-relieving option for the person, namely emotional discharge or catharsis. Yes, it could be possible, but if we put any stock into this hope it will likely mire us into wishful thinking. Those who work with coercive controlling offenders are well aware they rarely change.
Pursuing Assault patterns follow a classic addictive formula and breaking the addiction may require involuntary confinement. Creating a barrier between the assailant and the assailed can replace incarceration if necessary. In other words, creating a defendable space that the stalked person can place themselves into, voluntarily, is sometimes going to be an easier and more effective way to arrest the assaults than hoping to gain a conviction in any court of law. The criminal justice system does not show a track record that yields adequate protection for women and children.
Being able to objectively classify assault patterns, a community together can design a set of routines to treat and arrest the first two kinds of disease patterns, as well as eliminate neglect in a very short time.
This treatment plan is Applied Human Rights – the deliberate process of delivering the atmosphere to support functioning human rights for all members of the family and community. Along with the model of assault patterns as disease, we can embrace the model of an Immune System to support social wellness. This immune system is proactive human rights.
What are the basic human rights? Freedom from involuntary servitude, free speech and expression, rights to privacy and to free assembly; rights to connect with God in one’s own way are basic human rights.
With freedom from involuntary servitude, people with Specific Malfunctions can exclude themselves from chores in which they have suffered damage. With rights to privacy for the parent and the attractions of their peers for the child demanding the attention of the adult, the Retreating Assault pattern can be retired.
Free speech and expression bring the recovery process that is cathartic healing. With connection to God the process may be taken to completion, liberating the magical child within.
Once a human-rights community has achieved a high level of functioning, they can serve as an excellent foster situation for children of systemically affected parents who will not have chosen recovery because it interferes with their addictive pattern.
Refugees from systemically infected parents or spouses can be legally released from abusive homes by claiming Constitutional Rights. This can be done on a case-by-case basis challenging custody orders that violate basic human rights.
Human-rights communities receiving the children must be prepared to handle confrontation at the property line, including collaboration with local police to eject or prosecute trespassers. No crimes other than trespassing need be prosecuted, which frees everyone from the less-than helpful ordeal that family litigation can become.
What I am proposing in general is a sequence of events, a set of boundary-setting exercises, carried out by many communities, many assemblies, to heal their members and ultimately the general public of the diseases of learned helplessness, manifesting as family violence.
By Community I mean any extended family, group of people, or circle of friends who claim each other as members to be involved with and to pledge mutual support for basic human rights. It can be a church.
One place to start could be using Community buildings during the week that might otherwise sit empty, to create day and evening use areas for gatherings and get-togethers for peers.
Interest groups can be defined and equipped. To engage the boundary-setting practice, set up peer spaces for men, for women and children, boys and girls. Ways to start that involve whole families are outlined in Family Enhancement Goals and Objectives.
Another possibility is to set up a Mother’s Collective, especially useful for single mothers and stay-at-home moms. A high priority can be placed on providing space for moms and their children 0-3 years of age.
