Friendship is a Healthy Intervention
Between report-reception and action, lies the potential quagmire that is the mindset of the adult. The attitude of “have to” permeates. Most of us live in economic and logistic environments that lean on us to stick things out as they are. As many as 85 percent of Americans believe or behave as though children were property - hence granting choices to children seems only a nuisance. These pages address the 15 percent that do not.
It is not painful experiences, in themselves, that cause damage to the consciousness of the child. The harm is done when painful experiences are coupled with the enforced inability to make positive change. The body/mind learns to respond with helplessness: no expectation of positive change. Adaptation by resignation is learned helplessness.
In truth, our map of consciousness (the Circle of Safety) is complete only when two more steps are outlined:
It is not painful experiences, in themselves, that cause damage to the consciousness of the child. The harm is done when painful experiences are coupled with the enforced inability to make positive change. The body/mind learns to respond with helplessness: no expectation of positive change. Adaptation by resignation is learned helplessness.
In truth, our map of consciousness (the Circle of Safety) is complete only when two more steps are outlined:
If you are the one to whom the child comes in tears, needing to understand and recover from an assault by another, the quality of reception you deliver to the child reflects your own synthesis (overall map of human interaction) and integration (how this incident fits).
To support into complete healing, you need a way of understanding that explains stressed out people, yet displays the overall context that is Love. If you are the one who delivered the painful event, your apology will display your synthesis, and lead to action to make amends.
To reach for understanding is always part of healing from any hurt. When pain occurs, the truth that our human bodies and lives are designed to be vehicles of joy is disputed by the events of the day.
When punishment (pain) is delivered to a child with the accompanying label that says “I know that this hurts you and I wish it so”, it creates the sickening dissonance between love, loyalty and identity-death that is shame.
The point of receiving a child’s report of distress is to allow catharsis, which the child may need to clear away emotional stress, so that he can accept, assess, go on and make his next choice. The ability to choose from an authentic space, and take action towards that choice, is what it is about the child that we are trying to protect. This is the center. Protect this, while creating good options, and the child will learn how to meet their needs and keep themselves safe.
Healthy children can move towards the best. There is a healthy kernel in all of us that can be empowered to move towards the best. The affinity for positive bonding is strong in a child. Given real options, a child will choose to be safe, engaged, learning, creative and playful among friends.
We can give our children good reception if circumstances exist that allow workable options, no matter what the content of the report. A logical step is to eliminate the “no way out” scenario, by allowing flexibility in domestic routines.
To build resilience in children, give them time and space with their peers. For wellness of spirit the experience of play is of paramount importance. Learn to mediate differences of opinion in accordance with what does not block anybody’s human rights at all.
The healthiest intervention is to set up the condition wherein all members of our families enjoy whole human rights in the context of our daily life. Recognize this as conditions wherein children and their parents can daily choose between workable and agreed-upon options for companionship or privacy. Especially include free assembly with peers.
Developing free speech (voice) and having free assembly with peers (friendship) for the purpose of play and cooperative limit-setting is fundamental to developing whole social consciousness.
If we are to live as a truly democratic society, we build this from the inside out. We manifest it first on a personal scale. How well have the blessings of our Constitution soaked into our everyday lives? Do you practice free speech? Do you have free assembly with peers? (Do you have somebody to talk to, with whom you have the right things in common?)
Give yourself regular get-togethers with your friends.
To support into complete healing, you need a way of understanding that explains stressed out people, yet displays the overall context that is Love. If you are the one who delivered the painful event, your apology will display your synthesis, and lead to action to make amends.
To reach for understanding is always part of healing from any hurt. When pain occurs, the truth that our human bodies and lives are designed to be vehicles of joy is disputed by the events of the day.
When punishment (pain) is delivered to a child with the accompanying label that says “I know that this hurts you and I wish it so”, it creates the sickening dissonance between love, loyalty and identity-death that is shame.
The point of receiving a child’s report of distress is to allow catharsis, which the child may need to clear away emotional stress, so that he can accept, assess, go on and make his next choice. The ability to choose from an authentic space, and take action towards that choice, is what it is about the child that we are trying to protect. This is the center. Protect this, while creating good options, and the child will learn how to meet their needs and keep themselves safe.
Healthy children can move towards the best. There is a healthy kernel in all of us that can be empowered to move towards the best. The affinity for positive bonding is strong in a child. Given real options, a child will choose to be safe, engaged, learning, creative and playful among friends.
We can give our children good reception if circumstances exist that allow workable options, no matter what the content of the report. A logical step is to eliminate the “no way out” scenario, by allowing flexibility in domestic routines.
To build resilience in children, give them time and space with their peers. For wellness of spirit the experience of play is of paramount importance. Learn to mediate differences of opinion in accordance with what does not block anybody’s human rights at all.
The healthiest intervention is to set up the condition wherein all members of our families enjoy whole human rights in the context of our daily life. Recognize this as conditions wherein children and their parents can daily choose between workable and agreed-upon options for companionship or privacy. Especially include free assembly with peers.
Developing free speech (voice) and having free assembly with peers (friendship) for the purpose of play and cooperative limit-setting is fundamental to developing whole social consciousness.
If we are to live as a truly democratic society, we build this from the inside out. We manifest it first on a personal scale. How well have the blessings of our Constitution soaked into our everyday lives? Do you practice free speech? Do you have free assembly with peers? (Do you have somebody to talk to, with whom you have the right things in common?)
Give yourself regular get-togethers with your friends.
